


wherever is your heart

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Captain America Civil War - Freeform, F/M, M/M, POV Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony has realizations, captain america drabble, no big action scenes but they're mentioned, set during Captain America Civil War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 03:33:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5990401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers was the clean cut American golden boy who dazzled with his bright smile and quick reflexes but something in him had snapped when the man he loved returned and the threat of losing Bucky once more was imminent. He had a dark side and its trigger was someone Tony loathed. In a word, it was painful. </p><p>[Tony's POV during Civil War; struggling to understand why Steve is turning against him for Bucky]</p>
            </blockquote>





	wherever is your heart

_You made me feel like I was always falling_  
_Always falling down without a place to land_  
 _Somewhere in the distance I heard you calling_  
 _Oh it hurts so bad to let go of your hand_

[Brandi Carlile]

It doesn't add up; the calculations are off kilter and Steve isn't leading with logic, he's plowing forward with nothing but grit and anger - no finesse or comprise. Tony will be the first to admit that he's not Steve's number one fan and the feeling is mutual but he assumed they'd established a stable friendship that allowed room for mistakes. Steve tagging alongside his lethal assassin of a boyfriend (lover? there's _something_ there) was never in the cards and until he'd resurfaced with hard hollow eyes and a cache of weapons aimed at Steve who, of course, hunted him down after he skipped town because (as he'd told Tony on a Friday that marked 11 months of searching without so much as a grainy freeze frame photograph) _He's my friend and he needs me._

But yeah. Tony used to hold that title as well though he'd never earned his own pedestal and it's clear that Barnes has been perched on one custom designed by Steve himself for the entirety of their lives. Nothing drives this point home quite like both of them brutally attacking him at once as they toss the shield back and forth.

His bones are aching and the chance of his nose being broken is high enough to make him cringe as he dodges a metal fist only to be caught by Steve's - he never thought he'd live to see this day.

Midnight settles in around the two teams (divided, they are a family with a wedge driven between them) and they call a truce until morning - Clint and Natasha camp out in a nearby vehicle (that just barely dodged a hail of bullets), Rhodey sits on crumbling pavement with his head in his hands beside of Vision who is impossible to read. Panther lazily stretches and props himself up against what remains of an SUV but Tony stands in between the opposing sides and it feels like he's being torn in two.

He watches as Sam whispers something in Steve's ear then pats his shoulder and walks away - having decided to join the others as they gather and slump against one another like they've been drained of everything vital but Steve doesn't follow.

From Tony's vantage point (he's not trying to hide, they could see him clearly if they wanted to) he watches as Steve wearily removes his mask, steps forward and drops his head onto Barnes' chest, shoulders loosening from the contact as Barnes' hand comes to rest on his lower back. The arm that Hydra eagerly turned into a weapon gently sweeps from the top of Steve's spine to the curve of his lower back briefly before Steve is leaning in closer. Barnes doesn't flinch or draw his weapon, doesn't fly into an angry rage at the prospect of being touched, doesn't do anything that Tony would expect of a lethal assassin. Instead he rests his chin on Steve's shoulder as Steve buries his face in a gunpowder smudged neck and... _trembling_. He's trembling and Barnes is murmuring soothing words - Tony catches the tail end of "-promised you I'd be there 'till the end, 'mm not going anywhere."

Steve murmurs apologies and Barnes grimaces as if every one of them are a grenade with the pin removed - seeking to destroy what's left of him.

"-I thought I lost you again, Buck. _I thought I lost you,"_ Steve replies - voice shaky and edged with pain.

Tony turns away as Barnes cards a hand through Steve's hair and presses a kiss to his temple - it's a private moment that is meant for the two of them only and he doesn't fit into that equation.

Still he understands the quiet desperation that has them clinging to one another as if their next movement might be the last - he'd nearly lost Pepper once. Had watched her body careen toward the earth faster than he could save her and in that moment he'd had to remind himself to breathe because suddenly everything faded away and all that was left was _Pepper._ The earth seemed to fall out from under his feet as every moment they'd ever shared surfaced - the good (waking up to soft kisses on the tip of his nose), the bad (arguing with Pepper over mundane things like whether the printer toner was the correct brand or not) and the ugly (imagining a life without her in it). He would lose her in small pieces - not all at once. Her shampoo would lie dormant in the shower, Christmas gifts would remain unwrapped, her favorite mug would collect dust, the pillows would no longer smell like her - he would become the haunted; a ghost trying to live amongst the living.

If someone were to come after her he would become the war - would turn himself into a cold hard weapon and make them pay dearly.

It dawns on him then that this must be exactly what Steve and Barnes are going through - a fate worse than death in that everything they wanted was right there but they had to die for it.

How had he missed the resemblance?

He found solace in the the shadow of an overturned vehicle and dialed Pepper's number.

"Pepper speaking."

He felt bone tired and weary - homesick and the sound of her voice was both comforting and lonely. "Hey, it's me."

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end and the sound of a door closing - "Tony. I've been worried sick, have you saw the news? You're on every channel."

"Guess I finally get my fifteen minutes of fame," he joked; it fell flat.

Pepper sighed heavily - "Come home."

His thoughts wandered to Steve and Barnes once more - between the two of them they had nowhere to call home. Sure, Steve rented a tiny apartment in Brooklyn but he was rarely there. They looked at one another like home was right in front of them and it made Tony's heart heavy.

"Soon. It's time to put an end to this."

"Don't do anything you'll regret, Tony."

"Well there goes blowing up the airport," he teased.

Pepper gave him her best stern voice, the one that made him sit up straight and listen every time - "I mean it."

"I'll stick to small explosions then. You know, cars...trucks...that ridiculously oversized mailbox that's just begging to be destroyed."

Pepper groaned - "You make my life so hard, you know that?"

"But you love me."

"I do, I really do," she replied, softly.

"I'll clean up my messes and be back faster than you can complain about me leaving the cabinet doors open."

Pepper laughed on the other end - "I don't doubt that."

With a somber tone she added - "Be careful. Promise me you'll be careful."

" 'promise. I have to go now but I'll see you soon. I love you, Pepper. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do. I love you and I think Happy is missing you - he paces when the news comes on and your face is on it."

He'd known Happy for years and the man wasn't the brightest but he made up for it with compassion and wore his heart on his sleeve.

"Tell him I haven't kicked the bucket yet. I have to go now, talk tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

"I love you more than anything, Pepper."

"I know you do. I love you Tony, try to remember that when you're being reckless."

He would, always did. There was forever a niggling thought at the back of his head - that his lucky streak would run out and she'd be left with identifying the body.

With that he pressed the END button and began to work through how they could fix this mess and somehow manage to keep Barnes from getting locked up because, even if he didn't find that the man was innocent, he was Steve's entire universe and fighting or not - Steve was his friend.

**Author's Note:**

> probs too much rambling and not enough dialogue but I wrote it at 7am with no sleep and I had to spell the word dialogue like 3x just now because I'm tired and insomnia sucks -_- if you read this odd drabble you deserve a dozen white chocolate chip cookies


End file.
